Blocks. Resistance. Self-Sabotage.
Why do we do this?
The short version is that our brains are wired to keep doing things that fit our earliest, and even pre-verbal programming in order to keep us safe (and if you geek out over science stuff like I do, I’ll be sending more about this your way in a few days).
But in reality…in that “I want this to change NOW” reality…the why doesn’t matter as much as how to change it, so let’s get started.
Grab a pen and journal or piece of paper, and dig in:
1. Recognizing your resistance patterns.
Sometimes these are super sneaky and old ideas that are wayyyyy in our subconscious minds. But…since the subconscious mind fuels about 80% of our decisions, they are still popping up to cause trouble.
To find them, we’re going to start with some journaling prompts, and these are the top 5 I recommend, though you may come up with your own as you get going.
When you think about what you want and have yet to allow or achieve, ask yourself…
- What will be hard about getting this?
- What might hurt about getting this?
- What rules would having this break for me?
- What might I lose if I get this?
- What feels unsafe about getting this?
If you let yourself go and see what comes up, some of your answers may surprise you, you might want to dismiss them, but when something comes up that feels ridiculous to your conscious mind, PAY ATTENTION. This may be something that’s been in there a long time, and even if your grown up cerebral brain has moved on…part of you hasn’t.
So then what? You’ve found some of the old resistance…what do you do with it?
2. Releasing your resistance patterns.
When you get to the point in your journaling where you are starting to notice a physical shift in your body (sometimes feeling relief, feeling lighter….or for other people, feeling muscles tighten up or physically feeling that resistance to the phrases that are coming up) it’s a good time to get your whole body on board with the change you’re creating.
Tapping or EFT is a wonderful way to release these old beliefs, and any physical practice that feels enjoyable to you can be helpful to process them. If you’re a yogi, you can incorporate them into a few rounds of Sun Salutations. If you’re a runner, use the rhythm of your run to help them sink in. Rebounding on a trampoline is a super fun way to move through them.
And begin with what’s come up like this:
“I see that I believe __________________. I have believed _____________ for a long time. I forgive myself for believing this for so long. I’m releasing this belief from my body and mind.”
“I can see that in the past I believed __________ and it really held me back. I own it. I know that I believed this was true, and I’m choosing to forgive myself. I’m choosing to let it go.”
So then what? Nature abhors a vacuum and you don’t want to recycle back into those old ideas. You need to replace them.
3. Replacing your resistance patterns with new truths.
My kids always come home with Language Arts homework that tells them to TTQA: Turn The Question Around.
That’s exactly what I want you to do with those old beliefs that came up, because the specific language that you came up with is going to be the best fit for you, and the simplest shift. You don’t need any fancy affirmations someone else thought up (even if they did look cool on Instagram). If they don’t resonate with you, your body is going to call bullshit on them and it’s a waste of time.
For example, if your resistance pattern was:
“I will lose some of my friends if I’m too successful”
a turn around might be
“I’m ready to allow friendships and my business to grow.”
Or “It’s not safe for me to be my ideal weight, because I’ll attract too much attention.”
a turn around might be
“I feel safe and secure in my healthy body.”
When you decide on a replacement phrase, check in and see how your body responds.
When you say it to yourself, do you feel your body tense up? Or do you relax?
When you’ve found a phrase you can relax into, you can begin to integrate this into your day…focus on it during meditation, use tapping or another physical practice to anchor it, post the phrase somewhere you’ll see often at home. The more you can anchor and integrate this new belief into your life, the better.
And if you want to really help it sink in, try this:
1. Pick a super teeny tiny chunk of time that you can commit to every single day to focus on this. It can be a minute. Can be 5 minutes. If you think you have 10 minutes, cut it in half and just do 5, because the consistent repetition is a bigger help than a longer amount of time.
2. After the focused time, reward yourself….and a physical reward is better.
A small piece of high quality chocolate is a great reward, using a scented lotion that feels to you, lie down for a short nap, watch something funny that makes you laugh out loud….anything you can do immediately after and that feels GOOD to you.
The combination of the repetition and rewards will help strengthen this new wiring faster and more powerfully than trying to force yourself to do something new (and it will LAST).
Making big shifts in your mindset isn’t something you do once and move on; it’s a lot like cleaning your house….you can do a big seasonal clean out, but it’s your day-to-day habits that will keep it feeling like a wonderful place to live.